Friday, June 19, 2009
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Spring cleaning...of the soul
Last week I did my Spring cleaning. What an undertaking that was. I had slowly started to move toward the "less is more" every time I went through my stuff but I guess I was still holding on to way too much. This time I went at it deciding to clear as much as possible. Little did I know that by clearing space in my room, I was getting rid of some emotional bagage as well. I know that I tend to "oversave". Not that long ago I still had every piece of document gathered since I moved to the States in 1991. Every credit card receipt; every bank statement; every bill.... Imagine how many boxes that represents. Boxes filled with the accounts of my life for the past 18 years. Finally I let go of most of it, keeping only financial documents for the last 7 years in case of an audit from the IRS.
Going through the mountain of paper I wondered if one can really move on while holding on to the past so tightly? Of course I am not talking about bank statements anymore. But if I can hold on to those for 18 years you can be sure that more personal matters where simply put in the time capsule waiting to be unearthed again. I found things I forgot I had, others I knew I had but not seen in years. I truly never went through them every so often and reminisce. The fact that I kept them in the first place, must say a lot though.
Going through each piece of mail, note, photo, did not make me sad or wish upon times past. I was just amazed at how much I had kept over the years. I am sure love letters would be useful to whoever would be writing my memoirs after I'm gone....highly unlikely; so to the trash they go.
As the trash bags got fuller, I felt lighter. I think unconsciously hanging on to so much was not just space used but also emotional weight carried.
Don't I trust my memory? Do I really need to save everything and record each event in my life? I used to treat my calendar like a journal. I kept track of every phone call I made, each e-mail I sent, all the people I talked to and places I went. Truly who needs such a detailed picture of one's day? I thought I did. Maybe I am afraid that my memory will fail me more and more as I get older. Well if it does I am sure that life will go on. My friend Lyle says that holding on too tightly to the past is like driving a car while only looking in the rearview mirror. That is definitely not how I want to live my life. The view is too beautiful ahead.
Going through the mountain of paper I wondered if one can really move on while holding on to the past so tightly? Of course I am not talking about bank statements anymore. But if I can hold on to those for 18 years you can be sure that more personal matters where simply put in the time capsule waiting to be unearthed again. I found things I forgot I had, others I knew I had but not seen in years. I truly never went through them every so often and reminisce. The fact that I kept them in the first place, must say a lot though.
Going through each piece of mail, note, photo, did not make me sad or wish upon times past. I was just amazed at how much I had kept over the years. I am sure love letters would be useful to whoever would be writing my memoirs after I'm gone....highly unlikely; so to the trash they go.
As the trash bags got fuller, I felt lighter. I think unconsciously hanging on to so much was not just space used but also emotional weight carried.
Don't I trust my memory? Do I really need to save everything and record each event in my life? I used to treat my calendar like a journal. I kept track of every phone call I made, each e-mail I sent, all the people I talked to and places I went. Truly who needs such a detailed picture of one's day? I thought I did. Maybe I am afraid that my memory will fail me more and more as I get older. Well if it does I am sure that life will go on. My friend Lyle says that holding on too tightly to the past is like driving a car while only looking in the rearview mirror. That is definitely not how I want to live my life. The view is too beautiful ahead.
Monday, June 8, 2009
Park in the park
cheese croissant in town), Lyle and I took a long troll downtown San
Diego. It was still early and the city was just waking up with places
opening and people going to work. I rarely am downtown unless for a
specific event or occasion so that is a side of our city that I do not
often see. There are still a lot of empty front windows reminding you
about the economy. On the other end there are still quite a lot of
constructions going on. Condos being built all over town with a
starting price still not as low as I would have thought in these bad
financial times. I could not afford to buy something big enough to
have a roommate to help me pay the mortgage. Even rent is
astronomical. I guess you do have to pay for the privilege to say "I
live downtown". Places the size of my appartment asking for $1500 more
than what I pay (granted I do have a sweet deal, but still). Even some
low income housing appartments were more expensive than mine. I guess
I will have to stay in North Park for now. Who needs a view of the
stadium. I do not like baseball anyway!
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Every little step
A Chorus Line opened on Brodway in 1975 and became a huge hit winning 9 Tony Awards and the 1976 Pullitzer Prize for Drama. A movie version of the show came out in 1985. I have only seen the movie and although reviews were not very good, as a former dancer I could relate to the characters.
The musical is the story of dancers and singers auditioning to be in a...musical. Michael Bennett, the creator and choreographer, spent one night talking (and recording) to friends about their respective experiences as artists trying to break through in the business. From these recordings lyrics and stories were pulled to write songs, Marvin Hamlich wrote the music,and a show was born. The audition process must have been very interesting since the cast was going to play people who audition for a show.
Every Little Step is a documentary about the revival of the musical in 2005. Again it is odd to look at dancers auditioning to play dancers who audition. The film gives you an incredible insight on the lives of artists and the struggle they go through to pursue their dream. The process can be long, painful and not for the faint of hearts. Just imagine interviewing for your current job every day. It is difficult for all artists I guess. Most of us with a "regular" job only go through this a few times in our lifetime. An artist has to get so many "no" before finally getting "yes".
All this put things in perspective for me. I often wonder "what if" I had followed a different path; "What if" my parents had supported me and pushed me; "What if" I had taken more chances?
I started to dance when I was 10 and for the following years thought that was my calling. I lived for rehearsals and loved being on stage. I had found something that brought me joy above everything else. Even though back then (and especially in the macho Caribbean environment) guys did not dance, or have earings or long hair, nothing could keep me away from Wednesday rehearsals. For 7 years, I stuck with it (the longest involvement in any activity for me at the time). I realize now that although I did work hard and practice a lot, opportunities came easily. Guadeloupe is a small island, and once you have done one thing people noticed, others ask you to participate in other events. Besides the annual big show we also performed at small events all over the island. On the side I did some commercials, fashion shows, music videos....I never ask for anything; those fall in my laps. So when I moved to Paris, I really thought it would be the same. Well I had a big wake up call. Where back home I was one of only a few, here I was merely one more fish in the ocean. I took dance lessons and went to auditions for a while but I quickly wondered if that was the life I wanted. Dad was paying my rent and my lessons and it was the endless "being a dancer is not a job" argument. I started to work and the more I worked the less I danced. Dancing is not something that you do on your spare time if you want to be if not the best at least among the best. It takes hours of daily practice and more time to go to auditions. After a while something had to give. I chose the easier route and kept on working, becoming financially independant and changing my life altogether by moving to the U.S. in 1991. It has not always been easy but I know that my path has been lined up with opportunities and people that brought me to where I am today. I had always dreamed of coming to the States and I love my life here, but I can't help but wonder sometimes on which stage and with which company I would be dancing if I had made different choices.
The musical is the story of dancers and singers auditioning to be in a...musical. Michael Bennett, the creator and choreographer, spent one night talking (and recording) to friends about their respective experiences as artists trying to break through in the business. From these recordings lyrics and stories were pulled to write songs, Marvin Hamlich wrote the music,and a show was born. The audition process must have been very interesting since the cast was going to play people who audition for a show.
Every Little Step is a documentary about the revival of the musical in 2005. Again it is odd to look at dancers auditioning to play dancers who audition. The film gives you an incredible insight on the lives of artists and the struggle they go through to pursue their dream. The process can be long, painful and not for the faint of hearts. Just imagine interviewing for your current job every day. It is difficult for all artists I guess. Most of us with a "regular" job only go through this a few times in our lifetime. An artist has to get so many "no" before finally getting "yes".
All this put things in perspective for me. I often wonder "what if" I had followed a different path; "What if" my parents had supported me and pushed me; "What if" I had taken more chances?
I started to dance when I was 10 and for the following years thought that was my calling. I lived for rehearsals and loved being on stage. I had found something that brought me joy above everything else. Even though back then (and especially in the macho Caribbean environment) guys did not dance, or have earings or long hair, nothing could keep me away from Wednesday rehearsals. For 7 years, I stuck with it (the longest involvement in any activity for me at the time). I realize now that although I did work hard and practice a lot, opportunities came easily. Guadeloupe is a small island, and once you have done one thing people noticed, others ask you to participate in other events. Besides the annual big show we also performed at small events all over the island. On the side I did some commercials, fashion shows, music videos....I never ask for anything; those fall in my laps. So when I moved to Paris, I really thought it would be the same. Well I had a big wake up call. Where back home I was one of only a few, here I was merely one more fish in the ocean. I took dance lessons and went to auditions for a while but I quickly wondered if that was the life I wanted. Dad was paying my rent and my lessons and it was the endless "being a dancer is not a job" argument. I started to work and the more I worked the less I danced. Dancing is not something that you do on your spare time if you want to be if not the best at least among the best. It takes hours of daily practice and more time to go to auditions. After a while something had to give. I chose the easier route and kept on working, becoming financially independant and changing my life altogether by moving to the U.S. in 1991. It has not always been easy but I know that my path has been lined up with opportunities and people that brought me to where I am today. I had always dreamed of coming to the States and I love my life here, but I can't help but wonder sometimes on which stage and with which company I would be dancing if I had made different choices.
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